Declaration of Purpose
Syllabus
September 17th, 2021
From the moment I was capable of conscious thought, I had been plagued by one simple question: what is wrong with everyone? Born in New York City to an immigrant family, whom left their home country in search of a better life, I couldn’t help but recognize the contradictions in my raising. My parents would tell me of the horrible job market, wherein a lack of opportunity cause profound suffering amongst their generation. Yet, in this land ripe with gainful employment, which my parents diligently embraced and earned financial success, no one was content. My parents earned enough money to be comfortable in their lives, yet they spent most of my youth behaving as deeply unhappy people do. The day-to-day problem I faced was neglect. As a child, I learned very quickly that others seeking financial gain simply meant I would suffer for it. As far as my upbringing was concerned, I didn’t have a family, I had a handful of people that would argue around me. Knowing what I know now, I do not place blame at their feet. I understand now that they just lacked the right information to enable them to be more content, to allow them to properly raise their child.
The result of such an upbringing? I grew to become an adult that completely failed to thrive. I have no shame now in admitting that I wasn’t taught to chew my food properly (ow, my chronic stomach pains!) or even to clean my ass in the shower (no no, it’s irritable bowel syndrome!). My solaces from my neglected childhood became more than recreation, they became compulsive behaviors. I became emotionally dependent on orgasm at the age of seven. I first got drunk at the age of twelve. I was hopelessly addicted to caffeine by 15. I chronically hid away in fiction, food, movies, music, and video games instead of appreciating them in moderation. I was lazy, unproductive and worse still, I learned only how to neglect myself. I had no clear idea of love even though I spouted the word off as frequently as hello. I was simply a beast driven by primal desires, never given a path into responsible humanity. Despite the obviousness of my failings, I envisioned myself as someone of potential import. Dreaming of being acknowledged for some trait I didn’t have, being lauded for making a great work that I never even began; I know now that I was nothing but an impotent child in a man’s body.
At 19, my parents’ failings became too much for them to bear, thus they kicked me out of their home, forcing me to drop out of college early. Being dumped out of the education system and into the curriculum of real life was the defining moment of my life, I consider it to be the day I was truly born. The kindness of friends and their families in letting me into their homes did more than just shelter me. I began to see different shades of what a functioning family could look like. I began to understand the stark differences between my productive friends and I. I saw fathers that would listen and give advice to their sons. I saw mothers that wished for their children to blossom into capable and ethical adults. I began to notice patterns in friends that became driven by instinct rather than intellect and how easily they convinced themselves of their correctness. I realized the serious impact positive role models could have on the development of a person. Simultaneously, I recognized how deeply flawed most people are and remain into their adulthood. It threw me into deeper despair, feeling as though I never stood a chance, that I was just worthless. However, I was wrong.
All of us are capable of becoming greater than we are now. Some of us had a harder start, some of us might have seemingly insurmountable mental handicaps. Many are plagued by problems they don’t even recognize, enslaved by emotional and physical dependencies convinced of their rightness. I can say with tempered pride that I am now on a path of becoming ever more than I was years ago, ever greater than I was yesterday, and that is thanks to finding the right information. Thus, what I offer here is a compilation of information from self-study. I asked myself the hard questions, and found the answers in sometimes difficult to understand places. I forced myself to learn the relevant biology, chemistry, and developmental psychology. I struggled with the words of dead psychiatrists, philosophers and even the Buddha for years to come to the understanding I have now. If you could relate in any way to my short auto-biographical story, then you have already deduced that what I intend to offer here has more value than all the diamonds, gold and silver in the world. You do not need external pleasures to painlessly exist: What I offer in this project is a path to that subtle bliss, through knowledge and study. I will give you the tools to observe yourself objectively, raise yourself up, and to truly aid yourself and those around you.
I invite you to join me in what may likely be the most unique course you may ever take. I am not a classically trained academic, nor technically a professor of any subject yet I am convinced my knowledge is of public value. I have recovered from several addictions and destructive habits (severe alcoholism, nicotine, caffeine, orgasm and video games) and I have successfully made others aware of their precise problems. Certainly, the alcoholic has acute familiarity that their substance abuse is destructive, the issue lies in that they simply have no awareness of the biological and psychological mechanisms that imprison their behaviors to these same cycles. I genuinely believe that empowering individuals with the basic understanding of how the human psychological and biologic program operates can free them to create their own potential, rather than react to the world around or inside of them.
It is important to note that I am not proclaiming any new knowledge, mystical or scientific, but rather that I stand tall on the shoulders of great thinkers and scientists. Neither do I claim to be a saint worthy of following, I have lived a mostly shameful life which implored me to ask difficult questions of myself and the people around me. I perceive this project as a penance for my truly abhorrent attitudes and behaviors of my past. However, without having fallen so far, I would not have been able to claw out eternal truths about our shared Human flaws. With technology, this moment in history is a confluence of all information available to humanity; to not attempt to peruse this knowledge for a deeper understanding of how it means to be human is irresponsible. I am confident that our species has uncovered the basic facts necessary to “know self” and even “wield self.” Essential topics we will discuss are as follows:
The Biochemistry of Life – Peptides, Neurotransmitters and Receptors
Differences Between Individuals: Sensory Processing Sensitivity vs Pathological Tendencies, Age
Biological and Logical Conflicts: Mammal Brain and Reward Systems
Behaviors and Substances: Internal Imbalances
Eighteen Considerations: Perception and Choosing Quality of Perception
Personality Development: Disintegrative Processes and Mental Illness
Developing Beyond Communal and Systematic Thinking in Adults
I believe there are several questions that must be answered, in a specific order, to create a whole understanding of ourselves:
1. What is actually occurring when we “feel?” By “feel” I mean, our emotions, thoughts and our physical feeling. All are intertwined.
2. Based on the answer of Question 1: What are the differences between people in relation to their feeling? All people are unique, we must understand in what ways that uniqueness is manifest by observing the extremes.
3. Based on the answers of Questions 1 and 2: How do our behaviors and the things we consume through our senses change our internal world and our perception of the external world?
4. What actually defines our behaviors and desires on a day to day basis? There is a conflict between our genetic drive to feed and mate, and our intellectual drive to “become.”
5. How can we actively change the way we feel in desirable ways?
6. What are mental instabilities and how can they evoke positive changes in personality?
7. How do we develop beyond our early stage modes of thinking into fully robust individuals?
I guarantee that this is definitely a course in which your mileage may vary. Many have led ethical, productive lives without having rummaged through developmental psychology or episodes of dangerous mental unrest. However, I would hazard to guess that one doesn’t become truly well-adjusted without having a thirst for self-education. For such persons, the value of this course lies in becoming more literate of others with poor impulse control or deeply felt emotional wounds. Understanding will enable greater compassion and tolerance.
It will be vital to avoid utilizing ambiguously defined jargon that the reader may interpret with an inaccurate definition or preconceived notions, therefore I will also be providing vocabulary lists in each lesson as needed. If I fail at clarity, please do not hesitate to comment.
I will be providing a book list as well as some online resources from a variety of sources. These sources will range from contemporary scientists still pioneering in their respective fields, to martial artists and monks from thousands of years ago who had not much else but time to observe themselves. To ignore information without at least processing its value because of their age is another foolish mentality we must shed as a civilization. Additionally, being part of this book list is not a full endorsement by myself for everything in the book, or anything the author may stand for as themselves. We will be looking at specifics for their value in our understanding of consciousness.
Tentative Book List:
Molecules of Emotion by Candace B. Pert, Ph.D
ISBN: 978-0-684-84634-7
Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow by Marnia Robinson
ISBN:978-1-55643-809-7
The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D
ISBN: 978-0553062182
Dhatu-vibhanga Sutta: An Analysis of Properties
Link: Https://accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/mn/mn.140.than.html
T’ai Chi Ch’uan: The Internal Tradition by Ron Sieh
ISBN: 1-55643-128-7
Personality Shaping Through Positive Disintegration by Kazimierz Dabrowski M.D. PhD
ISBN: 9780692427491
In Over Our Heads by Robert Kegan
ISBN: 0-674-44587-2
[DISCLAIMER]
As you move through these lessons and you develop a better understanding of how an individual operates, it will likely feel seductive to apply what you have learned to others. Do not do this. You cannot know the full skein of someone else’s mind. What I offer is for self-reflection only. These lessons may give you a better understanding of others to enable you to be more compassionate and understanding but it is reckless to play meddling therapist with others. If you know people you believe will benefit from this knowledge, teach them how to see it themselves. As we get into personality development, I will elaborate why self-understanding is far more concrete and drastically positive than anything someone external can tell you.
I will offer all main lessons outlined in this syllabus FOR FREE. The “paywall” exists only for future auto-biographical case studies, in-depth explorations of specific concepts, exercises, and the occasional fun article of no particular import. I will not begin publishing these paid articles until four main lessons have been completed. Even still, I may end up just making the entirety free, but I would like to be able to feed myself on these efforts, as selfish as it sounds. If you decide to become a paid subscriber, please know that you have my immense gratitude.
Concerning comments and questions: I must minimize the time I spend interacting in the comments section, as I have a tendency to lose quality work time doing so. Therefore I will be designating a specific time and day each week to answer questions and comments if necessary. If a question is incisive enough, I may even dedicate an entire article to it.
Contributions: I am also looking for people that have known me in the past to contribute their descriptions and observations of me throughout the time I had interacted with them. I intend to use those biographical accounts as examples and illustrations of the concepts I will be teaching. If you would like to contribute, please do not hesitate to reach out.
Editing: All editing will be done by myself. With that in mind, my articles will have grammatical flaws and flow issues. I will attempt to minimize these, however, I won’t hesitate to edit more egregious flaws.
Factual Correctness: Many of the fields we will explore throughout this course are always subject to change. What I offer here is a basic understanding of these subjects to meet our needs, not to become intellectuals of specific scientific fields. I can’t even guarantee my knowledge is complete in some instances, but I will attempt to guide you through what is necessary to know to the best of my ability. Ideas present may sometimes seem completely bizarre, or clash with your previous understandings of the workings of the world. I have no intention of purposefully misleading anyone for personal gain.
Barring any unforeseen events, the publishing of this syllabus is an official declaration that the core concept lessons will be completed by February 21st, 2022.
Look forward to our first lesson to be published by September 24, 2021.
Thank you for joining me on this journey,
-Marin Salix
The following list will be updated with each lesson as they are published.
Lesson One: Ligands and Receptors -
Lesson Two: Sensory Processing Sensitivity -
Lessons Three and Four: Orders of Consciousness
Lesson Five: Pathological Minds
Lesson Six: Reward Circuitry and Orgasm
Thank you for doing this bro. You’re an inspiration
Love you brother can't wait to learn