Reflection: The Five Hindrances
The fault of others is easily seen; but one's own is hard to see.
The Five Hindrances
1. Lustful desires
2. Ill-will, hatred or anger
3. Torpor and languor
4. Restlessness and worry
5. Skeptical doubts.
There is no fire like lust. There is no grip like hate. There is no net like delusion. There is no river like craving.
Buddhist philosophy implores its constituents to meditate on the above hindrances. For the past two or three weeks I have been trying to be conscious of how these hindrances effect and limit my life against the backdrop of the information I’ve already thus shared on this Substack. We know that behaviors and substances can make us lose internal homeostasis, causing temporary instability in the way we feel and perceive. We know that some people are more susceptible to addictive tendencies due to being more prone to over-stimulation. We also have a better understanding of orders of consciousness and the range of complexity in how we think. Not to mention, we know that exposure to particularly stimulating things can cause even greater instability in mood and perception, like orgasm or drugs. I will admit, because honesty is always the best policy, that even with this knowledge, the path ahead appears deeply challenging.
We can know so much about what is bad for us and good for us. We can win first-hand experience learning what works for us and what doesn’t. Yet, we can repeatedly hit rock-bottom, doing the very same things we know will put us there. I’ve been doing it myself. These past few weeks have been spent excessively carbing up, orgasming, and smoking cannabis. Despite having a full operating understanding of how these vices effect me profoundly, I still walk right into these traps. What were the results? Mood swings, low motivation, low self-esteem, extreme self-doubt, social anxiety. Low ability to concentrate has been the absolute worst aspect, I have been struggling with the next lesson’s book. Sure, it’s a difficult read to someone untrained like me, but I was able to comprehend and parse the information no problem until I began my burst of vices. Ultimately, what this means is that I haven’t yet become fully in charge of my will. A necessary wake-up call.
The Five Hindrances presented by Buddhism assaulted me in full force after giving in to my vices. The desire for more lustful feelings to assuage my post-stimulation discomforts has been extreme. I’ve felt more ill-will and anger, particularly at myself for “failing” so miserably. I’ve most certainly have been experiencing more torpor, feeling lazy and unmotivated, having a sink full of dishes that needs taking care of when it was a daily task. My worries have been through the roof, particularly with this Substack, worrying about whether or not I’m even good enough to continue writing. Finally, my skeptical doubts have been aimed at myself: after all, what value is my knowledge if I can fail so miserably?
The next lesson will hopefully illuminate how our failures can shape us and serve us. We all fail. We all suffer mental anguish. It is how these failures are answered moving forward that can serve us. It is vital to recall our successes and apply what we’ve learned from victory to our lives as well. In spite of falling by the wayside when it comes to food or orgasm, I remain solid and assured in my rejection of previous addictions such as alcohol and nicotine. An important lesson I learned from those addictions was that the overwhelming tendencies become worse right when you begin to reject them, due in part to dopamine conditioning. Those wins are result of successful positive disintegration, the topic of our next lesson. We will learn how the worst states we can end up in are critical in exceeding our previous selves. I do this research and writing for myself, as much as it is for you, my dear readers. I grow tired of being rattled by these cycles of discontent and thriving. The discomforts and withdrawals of stimulation instability? I will have to simply deal with them, as opposed to reducing their effects. I intend to continue the search for the middle way between being driven by emotional, sensual desires and forceful restraint of our emotions.
Thanks for your patience!